#20: the sunset of college

happenings and feelings as of late

Hello!

I’m always saying long time, no chat and here I am again. Long time, no chat. Since I last wrote to you so so so much has happened. I will catch you up in chronologically ordered bullet points.

—I went to New Orleans with 12 of my dear friends. It was the perfect trip. I had my first bloody mary and sat through the entire Super Bowl for the first time and taught everyone the word filigree (intricate metalwork, the little ornamental curls that are everywhere in New Orleans). My meals were delicious and the city was beautiful and my friends got their phones stolen on Bourbon Street. All the typical things. What made the trip uniquely wonderful was how happy we all were to be together. Every day was so silly and tender. Love puddled.

— I had a crush on this guy and he hurt my feelings and made me cry so to make myself feel better I wrote him a letter which I never sent but I did read outloud to my theatre class on Valentine’s day. I felt like Kat in 10 Things I Hate About You except I wasn’t crying, I was laughing and everyone was laughing and it was awesome. I’m trying to be less afraid of incorporating girliness into my art. In this attempt, I was generously awarded for my efforts.

—Then shit hit the fan with my thesis. For the rare few that are unaware, I’m writing an undergraduate honors thesis about how autofiction (creative life writing) can help us better understand the ways social media is morphing our constructions identity and life story. I wrote the majority of this project seated at my desk in my sunlit bedroom, between February and March 20th. It involved a lot of cold brew and ambient music. I’m very very proud of my work and will be releasing a special iteration of it to the world some time soon. Updates to come.

—From March 8th to the 15th, as a spring break intermission, I went to Mexico City and had the time of my life. I was there with an Irish guy, a British guy, a Dutch guy, a Dutch girl, a girl from Australia, a guy from New Zealand, this girl Emily who’s American, and my friends Leo and Josh (also American). All people from Pearl Street, the co op I used to live at. Everyone was great, wonderful, as Pearl Street people generally are. I didn’t really know anything about CDMX before the trip and I will now review what I learned for anyone who is in the same boat. JILLZ FUN FAX:

• The popular abbreviation for Mexico City is CDMX (short for Ciudad de México).

• The city is not near the coast but close to the mountains.

• It is MASSIVE, our Uber rides ranged from 20 to 50 minutes regularly, and we were staying fairly central.

• The air is so crazy dry. My eyes and nose and throat, my ORIFICES, were scratchy.

• Even if you don’t get horribly sick from the food or water, if you’re not regularly in or around that area, you will probably get mildly sick and by this I mean you will get bloated and have general indigestion and that indigestion will not go away when you leave the country, it will linger for a week or two or three if you’re me. Almost everyone in my group experienced this.

• Nobody will speak to you in English, you need to know some Spanish. It’s awesome and you will learn so much so fast.

• Snack foods are abundant, spicy candy and chips and juice especially.

• It is the most intricate and vibrant city maybe in the whole world. My favorite activity was looking around at things.

Of course, there was so so much more to the trip than this. I drank the best orange juice of my life each morning. A man sang Piano Man in Spanish on our bus ride to Teotihuacan. One day, there was a funeral on the street in front of where we stayed and a birthday party on the street behind. We drank on our rooftop patio and went dancing at the most sexed up techno club in North America. Bells from a nearby church would chime every hour and the city’s flowers were all in bloom. There are a million more details. Some are secret. (I had a holiday romance and it turned me cuckoo crazy for a bit.) I beat my journal to a pulp and declared that I want to learn Spanish. It was a wonderful week.

—After the trip and the turning in of my thesis, I played catch up for a week or so and helped put on this theatre festival and blah blah blah blah.

Now you’re caught up. Each of these bullet points deserved their own letter but ohhhh well. I want to talk about how I’m feeling now.

I graduate on May 5th and even though nothing is over yet, I think I’ve started slowly saying goodbye. I’m at my best friend’s birthday party with 32oz beers duck taped to my hands and everyone is asking me what I’m doing after this and I want to scream DON’T SAY AFTER!! except I don’t because I appreciate the reminder that I do not get to be a drunk 21-year-old stomping around a backyard with all my friends forever. After I realize that oh god I’m running out of time!! every party and every hangout take a new tone secretly in my head. It is the swan song! The last hurrah! It is “I love this place! I love these people!” It is the sunset of college—the shadows are long but everything is golden.

I write in my journal every day. I take lots of pictures and I don’t turn down plans. I live in a fear of a future self that says “God, I wish I’d appreciated it all more. I wish I’d looked a bit harder when I had the chance.” Now is the chance!

This is not my goodbye college letter. That’ll come later. Soon, but still later. This is a letter to let you know that I’m collegemaxxing. On Mondays I go to my stats class at 11:30am and yoga at 9:00pm, recently with Louisa, my new Australian friend from the Mexico trip. On Tuesdays I go to my theatre class that is taught by a man named Kirk, who I regard as a spiritual teacher, in addition to him being my actual teacher. The class is at 9:30 and the rest of the day is free. I write a lot on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays I go back to stats and sometimes babysit this 2.5 y/o named Gracie from 3-6pm. She likes to scream when she’s happy and I do too. On Thursdays I go back to theatre class and go to yoga at 1:15 which is a random time to do yoga but the class is taught by my favorite instructor, Nicole, who always greets me enthusiastically. Sometimes on Thursday nights I play pool with Kate. She is on a first name basis with every employee at the bar we frequent and this has many benefits. On Fridays, I go to a 10am meeting for the theatre festival I help plan (for credit, to graduate), or I did help plan, before it finally happened. I always babysit Friday evenings and meet up with my friends after, sometimes at a bar called Backlot and sometimes elsewhere. On Saturday nights I go to a party or dancing downtown, and on Sunday nights the friends have been getting together at Leah and Trinity’s to watch Succession. In the spaces between all this, I go to the pool and the park. I work on my thesis, always in blocks of 3 hours or more. I often sleep in later than I should. I call my parents and far away friends. I smoke with Annalee and play with Mazzy. I cook a big meal and eat it for three days. I keep the apartment and myself clean. I listen to music all day.

I am very lucky to have a life that is mostly fun and mostly easy. At least for now. As my boyfriend Alex G once said, EVERY DAY IS A BLESSING!!!!

TTYL, Jill

P.s. the cover photo of this letter was taken by my friend Jacey. It features one of my duck taped beer hands and my friend Danny.